


When I See You Again

by SavingAcadia



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, But he does care, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Major Character Injury, Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, Ozai (Avatar) is an Asshole, Partially Blind Zuko (Avatar), Partially Deaf Zuko (Avatar), Prisoner Zuko (Avatar), Slow Burn, Sokka sometimes says stupid things, Zuko and Katara are friends, Zuko is hurting, also, and things turn out in the end, because I guess people don't do that a lot?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-14 23:28:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28803555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SavingAcadia/pseuds/SavingAcadia
Summary: Everything was going well until Azula tracks down the Gaang two weeks before Sozin's comet. In an attempt to save his friends and help them defeat the Fire Nation, Zuko ends up arrested in the Fire Nation where he is left to the abuses of his forsaken nation and the insult to injury that is a visit from his father. He refuses to eat for days, his injuries leave him stumbling and delirious, and through it all he remembers his promise to Sokka: "I'll see you again."
Relationships: Aang & Katara (Avatar), Aang/Katara (Avatar), Minor or Background Relationship(s), Sokka & Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 22
Kudos: 138
Collections: Zukka that makes my little heart sing





	1. The Little Deaths

Zuko didn't know how they'd gotten so trapped. Appa was struggling to break free from the cruel chains pulled over him by a fleet of soldiers. Aang was trying to keep the group safe from the heavy tanks and machinery being thrust off the bridge before them, building a mountain of metal and coal. He could see Katara struggling to hold off the general from attacking Aang, and Sokka was taking on three soldiers all on his own. Above it all stood his sister, Azula. He hated her satisfied smile as she looked down at him from her place on the bridge. Then the smell of petroleum stung his nose as it came raining down like a waterfall. Katara tried to bend it to keep it off the ground, but then a corner of Azula's mouth turned up on her smug face. Zuko's eyes widened as she simply flicked a spark at the liquid, and it set ablaze, brighter and more furious than the fire bender had ever seen. Katara screamed at the burn, clutching her blistering hands and dropping the flaming gas onto the pile of fuel that had been dropped from the bridge. The mountain sent fire so high it was licking the sky, and Azula had disappeared behind the orange beast. This was precisely what Azula had wanted, and they had played right into her hands.

The heat was so intense it seemed impossible to think. The general was coming for Katara, who had dropped to her knees, her only salvation coming from Aang running to protect her. They were all sweating within moments, and Zuko couldn't clear his head enough to process what had happened. Did they just lose? They were surrounded with no escape and no Appa to fly them out. Zuko made a split decision, running toward where Sokka was struggling against multiple soldiers and ripping his broadswords off his back, splitting them apart as he came to fight by Sokka's side. Sokka always had a plan. That much had been clear ever since their trip to the Boiling Rock.

As the tan boy blew a loose lock of hair out of his face and shoved the soldier back with a huff, he yelled over the loud, crackling blaze, "We need to get Appa! That's our only way of getting out of this." Zuko kicked the approaching soldier in the chest, forcing him back into the others. Zuko turned to run with Sokka, praying the enemy soldiers stayed down long enough for the two boys to reach the distressed air-bison. The world was never so kind.

Loose gravel brought Sokka to his knees, coughing and heaving from the toxic air, laced with smoke and raining ash. Zuko skid to a halt beside the tanned boy, preparing for a fight as he adjusted his failing sweaty grip on his swords. He could feel his sister's cruel eyes watching him from above, like some sort of sick game. The sound of metal clanging was deafening as he struggled to fend back the soldiers from where Sokka was rasping on the ground. In a gust of desperation, Zuko dropped below the swords, swiping the legs out from under the soldiers with an added heat that placed a wall of fire between him and Sokka, and the battle raging around them. He dropped to his knees beside Sokka, and his heart stuttered when he saw the splash of black poison his friend had just hacked up. Zuko was so used to the flames that he hadn't realized how the soot rained down around them, how his friends had nothing to breathe but the inky decay.

"Sokka!" The water tribe boy didn't respond, but he continued to wheeze. Zuko didn't hesitate to drop his swords and slip an arm around Sokka's waist and help him up. The support was short-lived when Zuko felt a heavy weight come crashing down on his back, and both boys tumbled to the ground once again. The fire bender screamed in agony and anger as he shot a powerful fire blast behind him at whoever had attacked him. The beads of sweat seemed to be warmer and slipped down his back with more fervor. Zuko struggled to return to his feet, begging, "Sokka, I just need you for a little bit longer. We're going to make it out of this." They were the only words he could think to say. He just needed one last good fight out of his friend. They were so close. They just needed to release Appa.

Zuko reached out his hand to help Sokka, who nodded but could only cough in response. Before Zuko could register what had happened, Sokka was swinging his sword, the fire glinting in its flawless black blade. A clang rang in Zuko's ear as he turned to see the fire nation soldier approaching once again. The collision of weapons sent a drop flying until it hit Zuko's undamaged cheek, running down his smooth skin. That was when he recognized the blood coating the blade of the fire nation soldier's sword, and the disgraced prince felt cold sliver up his back where he'd been hit. Suddenly the drops on his back seemed too warm, and the shivers were too cold to be sweat. He was running out of time.

Zuko didn't bother picking up his swords as he sent a blast straight at the hands of the soldier, waiting just long enough for the burning to become unbearable. The attacking soldier dropped his weapon, and without a word, the boys returned to the task at hand, though slightly haggard now. They reached the sky-bison and were met with a rain of fur being torn off as the gentle creature fought against the chains in fear and desperation. Zuko jumped in the air, kicking high and tossing a punch to disengage one of the soldiers attempting to beat a spike into the ground that would hold the chains digging into Appa's coat. Before the man next to him could attack Zuko from behind, Sokka joined him, swinging his sword at the man's chest plate. The two boys pressed up back to back, and Zuko cringed at the squelching feeling of the wet back of his tunic squishing between them. Agni.

Zuko kicked the soldier before him in the chest plate, knocking the man into his comrade behind him. At the back, he could see the one successfully spiked end of the chain, and he ran past the prone soldiers toward it, skidding on his knees as he struggled to release it with his bare hands. The chain slid up and down the metal stake as Appa struggled, pinching and ripping at Zuko's hands. He cursed the stupid bison as he struggled with everything he had to will the chain free. His sweaty hand slipped as he tugged and dragged his hand across an imperfection that left a gash in his palm. His fingers were already bleeding at the knuckles from trying to tug while being crushed by the moving chain. Zuko had nothing left to lose, so he gripped his hands together and began desperately beating on the side of the stake, ignoring the pain that shot electric jolts up his arms and through his nervous system with every impact. As the spike turned in the ground, Appa gave another good pull, and it swung free. The bison made no hesitation to fly out of the confines and far away. Zuko knew Appa was confused and scared. He was flying to Aang for guidance.

The absence of the large animal left Zuko and Sokka, once again, exposed to more soldiers than they could reasonably fight on their own. Still, Zuko made a half-hearted swipe with his foot that sent flame back, blocking the soldiers they had yet to encounter, buying him enough time to check in on his friend. Zuko rushed up to Sokka in his water tribe blue, the only soothing color in a blaring sea of red and grey raining upon them. Zuko grabbed Sokka's tan shoulders and asked eagerly, "Are you okay?" Looking up and down for any marks of harm on his friend. Instead of wounds, Zuko found a hurt smile on Sokka's face as the boy grabbed Zuko's hands from his shoulders and guided them down between the two of them. They left a trail of red in their path as Sokka held Zuko's hands in his, palm up and open to show all the cuts and bruises. "You're hurt," Sokka rasped, and his voice was so gravelly and quiet that Zuko could barely hear it over the raging fire and the pang of fear that beat within his heart.

In the distance, Zuko could see Aang struggling to help a burned Katara mount the bison without the use of her hands before scrambling on himself. Just beyond his sign of hope arose everything he dreaded. Azula, standing on the railing of the bridge, wearing that determined smile that said she knew she hadn't lost yet because she never loses. She's a prodigy. She plunged her hands into the mountain of flames below her, and they seemed to engulf her in a way Zuko had never seen before. Maybe he had gotten better, but so had she. The banished prince watched in horror as the entire mountain of flames seemed to take on a shape, twisting and turning until it was undeniable. The blaze danced in the sky, taking on the shape of a dragon. The serpent trailed long wisps behind its head and dragged the long whiskers that Zuko recognized from all the place decorations that he'd memorized growing up. In a way, it was beautiful, elegant and refined. Then without warning, it shot toward Zuko and Sokka, narrowly missing Aang, Katara, and Toph on Appa as they struggled to come to the rescue of their friends.

Zuko's eyes grew wide as he stared down the flaming dragon's throat. He didn't have time to think. He shoved Sokka in the back so the boy fell flat to the ground, jumped above him to take stance, and braced with one knee forward and the other leg holding strong behind him. Zuko crossed his dirt and blood smeared arms in front of his face, watching over the X of his arms as the mouth of the dragon opened to swallow them whole. He couldn't help closing his eyes and facing away from the attack as he was hit by the most powerful impact he'd ever endured. He felt his feet sliding back in the ash. It felt like forever before the dragon retreated into small flames all around, the majority slipping back to their mother at the bridge.

Despite their friends flying up to them on Appa ready to escape, something didn't sit well with Zuko. He glanced up on the bridge and immediately felt Azula's absence. He took a shaky breath, inhaling nothing but ash floating in the air. He knew what he had to do. He didn't want to. Agni! Zuko wanted anything but… but the world was relying on the Avatar and his friends fulfilling their destinies to save the world. "I don't have to like it, but this is mine," Zuko muttered as Aang reached down to take Sokka's hand. He saw the ashen water tribe boy try to speak as he furrowed a brow, but nothing could be heard from his scratching throat. Aang struggled to help Sokka up, but the boy had paused. Aang's tattooed hand griped to Sokka's wrist, but the water tribe boy returned both feet to the ground, refusing to leave as he looked at Zuko with eyes that swam with hurt and confusion in a pool of fear.

The little deaths.

The hand that Aang wasn't desperately clinging to and trying to overpower reached out to Zuko in an act of desperation. Sokka looked betrayed by his inability to speak. All that he could say relied on the one trembling hand reach out toward the wounded fire bender boy.  
"You have to go," Zuko insisted, grabbing Sokka's hand and guiding him toward the fur of the bison to encourage him to begin climbing again. Instead of taking hold, Sokka ripped away from the touch and desperately clung to the shoulder of Zuko's tunic. The fire bender grew serious and urgent, pleading, "You need to go NOW." The more he felt unheard, the more Sokka grabbed and pulled. Tears began to well in Sokka's eyes as his grip moved to Zuko's neck, pinching and pulling until he was clinging to the back of Zuko's hair. For just a moment, Zuko felt his face lean into the touch.

Even if just for a moment.

Sokka managed to wheeze out stunted air the gave the impression of sound, but what Zuko saw was Sokka's lips silently begging, "They could kill you."

Zuko inhaled and straightened, taking Sokka's free hand into his own, sliding down until his fingers brushed the boy's cloth-wrapped elbow and squeezed tight. The Water Tribe friendship grip had been a sign of honor and respect for generations, Sokka hadn't even known how Zuko could know such a thing, but he grabbed back. They stood for a moment, holding the grip as a promise, while the fears flowed between Sokka's other fingers as he lightly continued to tug on the ends of Zuko's hair.

"I'll see you again," Zuko promised.

The little deaths are a little less even if just for a moment.

He hesitated. The look in Sokka's eyes proved to him that the boy held no intentions of leaving him here, but there was no more time.

"Don't think you can run away from me that easy, brother." The self-assured, nasal-logged voice chimed behind him. 

Sokka began reaching to unsheathe his sword to help, and Zuko panicked, yelling, "Aang!" Before harshly shoving Sokka away, back into the sky-bison where the Avatars hand had been waiting. A few black hairs snapped off the side of Zuko's head in Sokka's grip before Aang reached down far enough to hold Sokka's collar. The moment of Appa leaving the ground to a "yip yip" was enough to swing the desperate water tribe boy back onto the saddle, eyes never leaving Zuko.

"Did you like my new trick, Zuzu?" Azula taunted in his ear, causing the older boy to spin around and drop into battle stance without hesitation. "You know, it's a nice sentiment, but they're not getting away," she sighed. A flick of her wrist signaled an attack by the fleet of soldiers. Arrows whizzed past the two siblings' heads, fire benders raced after the bison, and Zuko made the mistake of peeking over his shoulder just long enough for Azula to attempt to duck beneath her brother, swiping his feet out from under him with one swift kick. He fell on his back. Hard. So hard that the oxygen left his lungs. He couldn't breathe. His best was contracting painfully with no air. Azula stood over him, her face smug as she smiled down at him. "Really, brother? Have you gone this soft?" With a wink, she turned to begin chasing the escaping Sky-Bison herself, but Zuko grabbed her ankle with a death grip, tripping her with a desperate vengeance. He clawed his way back up with his bleeding hands and returned to fighting stance.

Zuko started to try to reason with his demented sister, "Azula, I know you think—"

"Oh, don't pester me with your pity!" She spat, punctuating with a blast of blue flames that erupted from her fingertips. Zuko defected with a wave of his arm, but he was getting tired and dehydrated fast at the door of the mountain of flames. Just a little bit longer. He made a large gesture with his arms that sent fire rolling toward her like an avalanche, but Azula countered with a cerulean kick, and the colors blasted together, flickering white at the edges.

"Fire Princess Azula!" A gruff voice yelled from behind Zuko. "They got away," he admitted timidly. Zuko's head snapped to look over her shoulder, eyes wide as he spotted the tiny black speck of his friends moving in front of the moon. He exhaled with the relief of victory but couldn't bring himself to smile. Azula screamed like a banshee, bringing Zuko's attention back to the battle at hand. He took stance once more as the sound of rustling armor approached. Azula was angrily panting as she looked at Zuko through her loose hair with eyes so dark he could see the flames behind him flickering in the reflection. 

Azula screamed once again, stomping down and pushing her hands out from her chest, creating a blast so powerful that, despite Zuko's preparation, he found himself flung backward several feet, hitting the ground on his shoulder and rolling a couple more feet just for good measure. He tried to lift himself again, but his shoulder couldn't bear his own weight against the gravity of the earth. Zuko fell to his chest again, and he saw the small trail of red blood that had followed him to where he laid. With a shaky breath, he reminded himself to stay strong and remain composed.

He could see the small pointy shoes of his sister step up to him and was powerless when Azula lifted one foot and placed it on the side of his face, pressing him further into the ashen ground. "You were always weak."

Rough hands grabbed hold of Zuko's wrists and tugged harshly, pressing them behind his back and cutting off the circulation with cold metal as he was cuffed. Azula's foot left Zuko's face, and she watched as he was dragged up by his arms to stand once again. He obediently walked to the iron ship, trying to ignore the spear prodding the oozing wound on his back. Zuko's lips pressed tight. He kept reminding himself to maintain his dignity that he wouldn't show weakness, but that didn't stop the feeling of his heart dropping into his stomach as he was pushed past the fire nation regalia, down dark halls, and into the brig.

There was no light in the final hallway, but Zuko knew there were iron bars before him. He'd spent so much time living on a ship in his banishment that he had the layout memorized by heart. He didn't have to see the black walls or feel the stale air to know where he was being shoved. The hinges creaked as the general opened the cell and the two fire nation soldiers flanking Zuko's sides cruelly shoved his back, and though Zuko stumbled with the lack of balance with his hands behind his back, he managed to catch himself enough to only fall to his knees, black hair swinging into his eyes as he gulped down the pain of the impact. 

"You're an embarrassment to the Fire Nation." Zuko said nothing. He did not move or look over his shoulder. He could barely breathe. He didn't want to make a single sound that could justify the general's comment. "You were born Royal. You could have shared the riches of the Fire nation, purified the world, but you betrayed your nation, and you tainted your purity with that water tribe filth. You're weak. You gave yourself up to save him. You disgust me." The general spat into the cell, and Zuko felt the wet glob land on the back of his neck. 

He didn't understand the general's hatred. No words about the Avatar, only Sokka. Only the fact that he saved Sokka, that he had cared about Sokka. The insinuation became clear that Zuko was impure, that he betrayed his bloodline. The general may have been sorely mistaken, but Zuko didn't owe him anything, and he didn't care to correct the ignorant elder. Zuko didn't mind his name being dragged through the mud. In fact, he was used to it, but Sokka. "Sokka is a good man." It was all he said, and it rang through the room with dignity. The room fell silent just for a moment.

"You're lucky they don't kill you for your crimes," the general growled. The sound of armor rustled away, and Zuko was left alone on his knees in the cell. He could have moved, but he didn't. It was an act of discipline to stay where he was, to keep his head down, and to try not to think.


	2. Do I Care If I Survive?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up, this was supposed to be a 4 part story, of which this was the second, HOWEVER, it is so long of a second part that I've decided to split it into two acts: the downfall and the build up. This, unfortunately was the downfall, which I was hoping to give to you with the build up to keep the momentum going, but if I don't split this it will literally be a ten thousand word chapter and it's just too unbalanced and all, and with the itty bitty super minor song motifs I've been sewing throughout, I think it works for the turnaround of energy to be split here.

"He hasn't eaten in two days, sir," the guard insisted. "He's weak." Before the guard, the glowing eyes threatened him to try and argue again, to just see what happens. 

A snarl assaulted the cowardly prison guard, eyes turning dark before him. "Make sure he can't bend." The words came out in a growl with hatred for having to repeat himself.

"Yes… Fire Lord Ozai." The soldier clumsily bowed and gave another honorary nod toward Azula. He'd been working the prison for over a decade, and it had been vacant for most of his tenure. Even when General Iroh, the Dragon of the West, had been locked up before his treacherous escape, the Fire Lord had no interest in coming all this way. Still, the young prince who had once been the only visitor was now the sole prisoner. His father was here to see him. The disgruntled guard thought to himself, "Must be my lucky day…" His family wouldn't believe he'd seen the Fire Lord in the flesh, though he feared telling them would have consequences. There were always consequences.

—

Zuko hadn't moved in his cell since the day he arrived. His feet had entirely lost feeling from sitting in the same position, on his knees and facing away from the door. He didn't argue when the guard came to chain his ankles to a ring on the floor, and he remained mute as his motionless wrists were tightly bound together where they sat in his lap. Zuko didn't even flinch when the warden came in a kicked him in the side, ordering him to stand. He didn't fight the guard who hoisted his bound body up by the wrists, shooting fire through his arms. Not a single noise left his mouth when he was slapped across the face for disobeying, and his expression didn't betray him when he was harshly shoved into the cell bars with a command to face his father. He would show no pain.

The guards left, and Zuko was alone once again. The dark of his cell was cold, and the quiet was maddening. His resolve had vanished. Here he had no reason to eat or move. He had nothing else to fight for. Behind these bars, Zuko was no longer a prince and no longer a traitor. He was nothing but a prisoner suffering at the will of the nation he was once loyal to.

Light from outside intruded the dark, isolated confinement. Zuko's eyes trailed across the orange lit floor to the two black silhouettes that walked in with regal condescension. The sun glinted off their golden crowns as the door closed. There was nothing left in him to feel at the sight of his family approaching. No more fear. No more anger. All he felt was fatigue. Zuko cast his eyes to the floor before he could be seen wasting energy on paying them attention. He refused to be seen as a pawn at their will. Azula stayed by the door, which left a single set of agonizingly slow footsteps echoing through the hall. Each one was more threatening and isolated than the last until finally, the pointed red shoes were right in front of Zuko's downturned eyes.

"What do you want?" The imprisoned teen grunted. 

"Is that any way to talk to your father?" Ozai teased. The sickly sweet voice was like venom through Zuko's veins.

"You are not my father," Zuko spat without hesitation.

"Well then," Ozai began, and Zuko saw the man take a tiny step toward him before his scalp blew up. Ozai reached through the bars and grabbed a fistful of Zuko's black hair and yanked him back as punctuation when he said, "LOOK at your Fire Lord when he is talking to you." His scalp was screaming. It felt like it was on fire and freezing all at once, and the young fire bender wasn't completely convinced that it wasn't bleeding from the tearing feeling. Zuko's eyes watered from the pain as he stilled under his father's grasp, forced to bend backward so as not to induce more pain and stare at the man's evil face. Zuko breathed heavily through the pain as he blinked away the blurry water and was forced to look at the golden eyes that looked all too similar to his own. Old hatred of a lifetime of abuse bubbled in the boy's stomach.

"You're a coward," Zuko breathed, a smile appearing on his face at the absurdity of it all. "You can't even face me here of all places, without locking me up in chains."

Ozai smiled in amusement as he tightened his grip on the black locks. In a low voice, he whispered, "You think you're clever, but I can see right through you. I raised you. I know your weaknesses."

Zuko's eyes narrowed as he hissed, "You know nothing." The boy could see his elder struggling to maintain composure. He always had such a short fuse and such a knack for getting violent. Zuko felt like a parasite, trying to prey on that weakness, and it filled him with more satisfaction than food could give his empty stomach. "You are a liar and a killer. Fire Lord Ozai, you have so much blood on your hands you could drown in the weight of your crimes." The fire began burning behind his father's eyes; he could see in the way the twitched with growing anger. "I hope the Avatar spares you just long enough for you to beg for the mercy you have denied so many."

The twinge of fury flashed in Ozai's face, and Zuko smiled briefly before the man yelled, "I COULD KILL YOU, BOY!" The Fire Lord yanked Zuko's hair so hard it thrust the boy's head into the iron bar. His skull's contact to metal made a dull "Fwang!" that throbbed in the air. Zuko couldn't catch himself from shutting his eyes and screaming at the pain. He could hear the smile return to his father's voice as the man jeered, "You're pathetic." 

Ozai loved watching pain. He had been raised on the highs of agony and suffering. Zuko knew nothing brought a smile to the man's face like seeing his son in pain. He reveled in watching his flesh and blood submit to his abuse.

Ozai released Zuko's hair, and the chains clanged against the bars as Zuko brought his cuffed hands to the left side of his head. It was hard to tell through the hair he'd grown, but his scalp felt wet either from shock or blood, neither of which did the boy have time to figure out before Ozai gripped Zuko's jaw in his boney fingers and dragged the teen's sunken face forward.

"Tell me where the Avatar is and I might just spare you," the Fire Lord all but whispered to Zuko, his face mere inches away. He was so close that Zuko could see the wrinkles forming by his eyes and on his forehead. The man may have lusted for power, but it had certainly done a number on his face. He looked fatigued, like he was losing sleep. 

"The hell if I know." Zuko spat in Ozai's eye, surprising his father enough to let go and stumble backward. Zuko took the opportunity of the distance to stand tall again and torment the man before him. "You want to find the Avatar because you're a coward. You don't want to face him because you know you'll lose and how _rich_ is the irony that the man who causes so much pain, so much _death_ ," the word leaked from his lips like poison, "is so afraid to die."

"Why you insolent—! "

"He will kill you," Zuko smiled.

Ozai reproached with fury steaming from his mouth, grabbing Zuko by the neck through the bars. The smile fell off Zuko's face when he felt his throat instantly close up. The crushing feeling burned. His father lifted until his feet dangled above the floor, and Zuko felt like a limp fish as he weakly struggled against the hold. The chains around his wrists jangled when the young boy struggled to bring his hands up to Ozai's strong arm and pathetically tried to push it away. The corner of his father's lip turned up as he suffocated, and just before Zuko lost consciousness when his struggling arms fell limply to his sides, Ozai dropped him. Zuko fell against the metal bars, gripping on for stability while falling into a violent coughing fit. He still couldn't breathe. The confidence that Zuko had built up was shaken by a pang of fear as he wheezed. His throat felt scratchy, and every inhale left him barking out another burning cough.

"No son of mine could ever be so weak," Ozai laughed. Zuko could see the glint of Azula's teeth from afar as the corner of her mouth turned up into a contemptuous smile. He knew she thrived on his failures, and it wasn't her fault, really. It was how she learned to survive. It was never enough for Azula to succeed; Zuko had to fail, and he did. Over and over again, his sister outshined him, disgraced him, and abused him. "You're nothing but a failure, Zuko," his father taunted. "You'll never learn." Zuko could no longer respond as he continued to rasp for air. 

His airway felt like it had collapsed, and the boy was beginning to feel faint from the lack of oxygen. Zuko dropped to his knees, and Ozai took the opportunity to reach out and caress the scar on his son's face, something like admiring his own work. "It's a shame you didn't learn your lesson the first time."

Zuko's eyes went wide at the words, unable to fight as Ozai grabbed the collar of his tunic and wound back a fist. Once again, Zuko desperately tried to pull away from the arm that held him still, kicking his feet out underneath him and attempting to scurry backward. Panic flooded his veins, and it felt like ice in his bloodstream.

—

The scream was loud. It echoed through the prison cell and beyond the door. A blackbird frightfully fled its perch atop the stone roof, and the guards couldn't help but wince at the sound. It was pained and broken, the kind of sound that would corrode a heart of iron and inject doubt into it like poison.

—

Ozai shoved the boy, and Zuko fell to the floor, rolling over and curling into himself as he continued to brokenly heave and cry out in pain. He could tell his father said something, but he couldn't hear it over the ringing in his ears. He vaguely registered the light that appeared on the wall before him and disappeared as the door closed. Ozai had left, satisfied with his torture.

Zuko couldn't stop the tears from rolling out his eyes, and he whimpered at the way they stung across the freshly burned skin. If his scar didn't already hurt enough already, a second attack against it was enough to ensure it hurt him forever. He felt like he couldn't move. He tried to stay still and focus on the cold stone floor. He couldn't have moved if he wanted to. Zuko's vision was completely blurred by the water, and the pain in his head was consumed by the deafening screech that echoed between his ears.

—

He woke up in the middle of the night after crying himself to sleep. He had been unchained at some point, and Zuko found himself spread out across the stone floor. It was blazing hot, and he was sweating away what little moisture was left in his body after days of not eating or drinking. Zuko felt delirious, and as help stared up at the ceiling, all he could see were shapes and colors. The sounds of the atmosphere were muffled like his head was underwater. The burning of his refreshed scar hit him like a ton of bricks, and the boy rolled over with a fractured groan of pain. He refused to let any more tears fall. All they did was sting his already throbbing face.

He'd never thought once that after the Agni Kai with his father, he'd have to heal again. Last time he'd had his uncle. Iroh had bandaged his eye and cleaned the skin. The man had stayed by his nephew's side as he laid in bed, tossing and turning, fending off an infection. Now Zuko was alone in the same prison cell he'd left his uncle in, suffering from a fever like he deserved. No one to care for him but the cold stone floor.

—

When the guards entered the next morning, Zuko was already awake, laying on the floor motionless. His twice burned scar was oozing at the edges, but he couldn't feel it. The light of the open door and the shouting in the room hadn't phased him. His vision had cleared enough as he stared at the ceiling that he knew how he'd been punished. It wasn't like he'd expected. Things weren't half black; they were just… warped. The ceiling felt ages away, and it was as if his sight was tunneled to ignore anything but that which was straight in front of him.

Zuko hadn't realized how bad his ear had been until the guards approached his right side, and their voices thundered in his head, but he couldn't understand a word. It was like they had been shadows in the dark of his scar, and only now had they materialized. Surprise could never have occurred to the boy when he was so well aware of how unaware he was. The damage was so devastating that Zuko was nothing but calm. He had decided; he was a fragment of himself. He had nothing left to live for. Zuko had done his part in helping the Avatar, played the game, paid his dues, and now all that was left was to wait for death.

Zuko had no idea the guard had entered his cell until a vicious kick in the side alerted him. He turned his head just enough to catch the last words, "…if you know what's good for you."

The man set down a tray of food on the floor and began to leave when Zuko quietly insisted, "Don't bother." His tone was so clouded and laissez-faire and voice so frail he wasn't sure he'd even been heard.

As long as the room was empty, it was like he wasn't broken. As long as there was no sound for him to not hear and no people for him to not see, he could just stare at the ceiling and pretend dying was peaceful. It was… almost. The pain of not eating had dissipated days ago, and the burn on his face had lost all feeling, but the delirium kept him waiting for an end. The fever was still riding out; the lack of water felt like drying up into dust.

"Zuko." He heard his name like a shadow in his lost ear, drawing him back to reality. He immediately began looking around for the source as the name fell from his lips.

"Mom?" His arms were so weak he could barely push himself up enough to sit. It felt like they might snap like branches beneath his dwindling weight. He began dragging himself to the iron bars, looking for her. Had he been in his right mind, maybe he would have realized how crazy it all was; to hear the voice of his long lost mother in his deaf ear.

Despite the burn in his denying muscles, Zuko dragged himself up by the bars before him. Once he stood, frail on his feet, the walls grew around him and the voice echoed in his head, “Remember this, Zuko. No matter how things may seem to change, never forget who you are.” The weight of the words was crushing.

The room felt infinitely larger when another voice entered his good ear, his uncle. “It’s time for you to start asking yourself the big question: Who are you and what do you want?”

“Never forget who you are,” his deaf ear responded.

“Who are you and what do you want?”

“Never forget who you are.”

Zuko’s head was splitting with pain so consuming he couldn’t open his eyes as the voices bounced back and forth. Growing louder and louder. Instead of finding comfort, Zuko was dissolved in panic. He didn’t understand what it meant, what they wanted, why they couldn’t just let him go. He had no hope left.

“In the darkest times,” Iroh seemed to respond, “hope is something you give yourself. That is the meaning of inner strength!”

“Everything I’ve done, I’ve done to protect you.”

A lullaby seemed to float up behind them, one Zuko recognized in an instant.

Leaves from the vine

Falling so slow

“Remember this, Zuko”

Like fragile tiny shells

Drifting in the foam

“Hope is something you give yourself”

Little soldier boy

Come marching home

“In the darkest times”

Brave soldier boy

Comes marching home

“Never forget who you are”

He took a step, and it seemed like the room twisted before him, and Zuko came crashing to the floor. The thundering of the metal food tray beneath him silenced the room. All that was left was the labored sound of Zuko's shallow breathing.

Out from the silence reached a hand. Zuko looked up, and he saw blue. Sokka.

"Hey, buddy." His heart felt like it was in a vice grip looking back into those ocean eyes, the ones that had begged him not to do it, that had torn him to shreds when he did.

"I told you not to call me that," Zuko grumbled, ignoring the hand before him and pushing up to sit against the wall for stability. To his right, the water tribe boy slid down the wall to sit beside him.

After a moment of quiet, Sokka gestured to the demolished food tray at their feet, saying, "You need to eat."

Zuko said nothing as he stared at the mess of rice and Komodo chicken spread across the tray. The water was spilled across the floor among the shattered glass pieces. He couldn't summon any hunger if he wanted to, not while looking at the wreck he had become in the damage he'd done. He couldn't even stand anymore between losing half his senses and the weakness of his muscles. It felt like the end to a long dreadful existence, and still, it felt like guilt in his stomach with Sokka beside him.

"I'm sorry," Zuko choked out. 'I wasn't strong enough,' he wanted to say, and the silent words brought tears to his eyes.

In a blink, Sokka was in front of him without having moved. He was just there with those eyes so deep you could swim in them forever. Slowly Sokka's hand moved to Zuko's cheek, and despite the numbness, he could feel the warmth.

_Do I care if I survive this?_

Zuko pinched his eyes shut as a tear rolled down his right cheek as he leaned into the touch. His heart swelled at the touch even though it was shriveling into nothing.

_Bury the dead where they're found._

"You're going to fail a lot before things work out," Sokka recited, and Zuko felt a pained smile at the repetition of his own words. "Even though you'll probably fail over and over again, you have to try every time. You can't quit just because you're afraid you might fail."

"I'm not afraid," Zuko argued solemnly. After a moment, he whispered, "I can't even stand." He almost laughed at how pathetic it sounded. After a lifetime of being called weak and worthless, it had finally come true. Zuko the disgraced prince, Zuko the banished prince, Zuko the dying prince. He was nothing but an ink spill across the successes of his ancestors. He wished he could have gone further, painted the whole veil black, and laid it to rest.

"You can't quit just because you're afraid you might fail," Sokka repeated.

"" I already told you I'm not—"

"You are afraid, jerk! I know you, and you are so afraid that you'd rather die than have to find a new way of living. You can't stand, so you're gonna have to relearn to walk. You're so weak you couldn't bend smoke."

"Gee, thanks. That makes me feel much better," Zuko snapped. Sokka seemed unphased as he continued.

"You're going to have to relearn everything you've trained to do your whole life because-"

"Because I'm broken, Sokka, what do you not get about that?" 

"Because you're off balance," Sokka corrected. "It's really more Aang's forte than mine, something about the spirits, the universe give the universe taketh, a lot about elements and harmony…" The drifting left Zuko confused about what Sokka really thought it meant to be the Avatar. Without hesitation, when he got tired of listing things he wasn't really sure about, Sokka demanded Zuko's attention again with a loud, "Anyway!" He grew more serious and soft again. "You are not broken, you're off balance, and it has your faith shaken, but you can't stop trying. You have to try every time, Zuko. Every time you fall, every time you miss, every time you lose yourself, you have to try. You have to

The words of his mother and uncle whispered back in both his ears.

“Remember this Zuko”

“Who are you and what do you want?”

try

“In the darkest times…

Hope is something you give yourself”

“Never forget who you are”

every time

“The Meaning of inner strength”

“Never forget who you are”

**because—**

The word rang in the air like tinnitus, silencing all the other voices in Zuko's head. Because. His attention was brought back center to Sokka, who at some point began standing in the center of the room.

"Because I want to see you again," Sokka reasoned. "And I was hoping you'd want to see me again too."

_In a veil of great surprises, I wonder did you love me at all?_

The sound of the outside door being unlatched caught Zuko's attention in an instant, and when he turned back to the cell, there was nothing but the words that never fell from his lips. 

_Do I care if I survive this?_

"I do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all can forgive me for all the heartache and pain and the subtle poetic techniques. I'm a nerd and I just think they're super cool. As always y/all can chat with me on tumblr @savingacadia. Send me messages, art, loves, hates, you name it, I'm in quarantine with no social life, so I'm happy to be there for it.
> 
> Please leave and comments and kudos because they keep me motivated. I'm rooting for this to be my biggest fic ever, so please prove me right!
> 
> Love you all, and I promise next chapter is the up swing, we're picking Zuko up off the floor, dusting him off and giving him a abdass new paint job, okrrr?
> 
> XX

**Author's Note:**

> This little guy came to me in a TRIPPY ass dream, and I just HAD to write it down, so this is that dream after some minor additions and alterations, but mostly this is just my fucked up unconscious mind, so, yay! Feel free to always reach out to me on tumblr [@SavingAcadia](https://savingacadia.tumblr.com) I have a tallest there so you can know when I update, just send me an ask. I’m also always free so feel free to chat.
> 
> ALSO, I love seeing the things I make make an impact and I don’t know if that's selfish or just human thing or what, but if you do or see any art related to this LET ME KNOW I want to cry over that shit.
> 
> Also, comments and kudos keep me motivated because it means I know people are interacting with and care about what I’m writing, so PLEASE leave them where you can, even just one word feels validating.
> 
> Anyway, Love y’all already and I’m so glad to be writing this and that so far it seems well enjoyed.
> 
> <3 Acadia


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